February 2012
7 posts
Drafts.
I have 236 saved posts in my draft box. I think it’s because I can never complete a post. My thoughts are always incomplete and choppy. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m thinking. But most importantly, I think it’s because I’m scared of who might read my posts. There’s no such thing as being too careful.
Gone like the wind.
Once you lose something, you can never quite get it back to the way it was before. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, or how much you hate it - the growing distance is inevitable. Almost like wind, it comes, blows you away, then it leaves you wondering where the hell it went. And I think that’s what’s happening to us. It would suck to see you go.
I constantly read because I hope that maybe the “I” in the story will be me someday.
Blame.
When something goes wrong, it’s always easier to watch people suffer than to own up to your mistake. It’s nice to be able to blame someone for everything that goes wrong. After all, pointing fingers is far easier than admitting imperfection.
Space.
Everyone needs their certain amount of space. Whether it’s because of how their feeling, or if they just don’t want to talk to anyone. Don’t suffocate someone whose already suffocated enough. All they want is their space, some time to collect all their thoughts. I mean, yeah, you might be worried because you care, but it’s not like they’ll do anything stupid. I’m sure they know better than that,...
January 2012
6 posts
Future
It seems like everyone knows what they want to be when they grow up. I don’t know what I would want to do though. I never took the time to think about the future because truth is, as “messed up” as my life is, I’m happy with it. I want it to stay this way, I don’t want it to change. But I know one thing, I want to make people happy when I grow up. That would be nice.
Feel-good things? Good morning texts. Unpredictable late night phone calls. Making food with your friends. Sleepovers where you always say you’ll sleep but you never do. Getting a random compliment. Reconnecting with old friends.
Disappear.
How do people disappear so quickly? A moment you’re talking to them, a moment you’re getting to know them, a moment they’re no where to be seen, a moment you’re lost looking for them, a moment you realize they’re… gone. It disappoints me that people have to leave so quickly, so soon, so early.
A cup of coffee.
asymptoti-c:
You are like a cup of coffee. You warm my insides and you keep me up at night. I need you when I feel weak and no matter what style you come in, you remain quality. You make me feel overall, better. When I’m chilly, all I need is to hold you in my hands, and I’ll warm up. I fear that if I indulge you in for too long, I will soon want more and more. But that’s alright, it’s okay....
I don’t know why some people act like New Years is the only time for change. It isn’t. A new calendar does not mean that everything you did in the past doesn’t matter anymore. The time on a clock is not going to make you a new person. A new year just means that everything starts all over again. And hopefully, things will turn out better.
Resolutions don’t mean anything,...
December 2011
15 posts
Selfishness.
I really don’t understand why and how some people can be so self-orientated. Why are you trying to make everyone’s lives miserable? Can you not stand to see other people happy? The world does not revolve around you. Get over yourself. Learn to think for others for a change and I guarantee that the world will be a better place.
1 tag
You.
I want to write a post about you, but I can’t find the right words. I just don’t know what to say. All I know is that I get butterflies whenever you talk to me.
Seven b.
And if these posts are just going to make things worse, I’ll stop.
Seven.
That wasn’t sarcasm. I actually will take this time to reflect. But you know what? You need to stop with your assumptions too. You assume that everything I have to say, I say it with sarcasm and disrespect. That’s not true. I’ve actually taken the time to think about how I can better myself, yet you’re assuming I’m being bitter about all this. How about you stop...
Six.
If you really think this is going to make things better, I’ll give it a try.
Five.
If you think I’m completely at fault for all this, think again. I’m not the only one that needs to change. You’re starting to remind me of your brother. Right now, I’m more angry than “depressed”. This isn’t going to make things better, and for the record, I think this is pointless too.
Four.
Okay.
Three.
I wonder how long this will last.
Two.
I’m feeling like I don’t even know you at all.
One.
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do anymore, lol.
1 tag
asdfghjkl
I don’t know what you’re thinking. You never tell me anything either. Whatever happened to rambling on about nothing for hours on end? Or gaming all night and sleeping in the next day? What happened to those good morning texts? What happened to all that?
I miss our friendship, I really do. I don’t know if these daily fights and arguments are worth it. I’m scared that...
Screw this.
Screw this place I’m forced to call home. Screw loneliness. Screw this feeling of not belonging. Screw this feeling of not being good enough. Screw this feeling of not being able to do anything right. Screw these tears. Screw these thoughts running through my head. Screw what you want and what you think. Screw feelings. Screw life. Screw everything. Screw. Everything.
The thing is, I never know what to write in this box. Well, I do know what to write, but I don’t know how to turn my thoughts into words. So maybe this blog isn’t really doing much good for me. I thought that making a blog would help me get my mind off things, but I can’t even write a single post about what’s on my mind at this very moment. This sucks, and I don’t...
November 2011
6 posts
Conversations.
Do you know that feeling? That feeling where you’re having the perfect conversation with someone, and you don’t have to try to make it interesting. Everything fits. It’s the kind of feeling that only late night conversations can give you. That feeling where you both know that you should be sleeping, but chose not too. And you’re sitting there, with a huge smile on your face, hoping that it never...
1 tag
Sometimes.
Sometimes I don’t feel like myself. Sometimes I ask to be alone. Sometimes I go mute. Sometimes I lose my appetite. Sometimes I act different than as usual. Sometimes I give that false “I’m fine.” Sometimes I don’t do anything but lie in bed listening to slow jams. Sometimes I give a less enthusiastic greeting. Sometimes I have false hope. Sometimes I feel upset without knowing why. Sometimes I...
1 tag
Problem.
I can’t seem to trust you anymore. Whenever I turn to you for help, I just get let down. You’re never on my side - all you ever do is criticize me for who I am, for what I do. You’re disappointed in what I’ve become, aren’t you? I’m sorry I’m not everything you expected me to be. I’m trying though, I really am. You’re playing a game of...
October 2011
11 posts
Usually writing about the problem makes me feel better. It makes me feel like, I got the load off my chest. But somehow, this time, I don’t think it’s going to work. This is different.
1 tag
Rain.
Thunderstorms help me sleep better. The sound of the rain and the thunder are so calming. When I close my eyes, the faint sound of raindrops on my window give me something else to concentrate on. Something other than my problems. It’s almost like the rain is drowning away my sorrows.
1 tag
Being in love is a very strange thing. Your thoughts drift towards this other person, no matter what you’re doing. You could be reaching for a glass in the cupboard or brushing your teeth or listening to someone tell a story, and your mind will just start drifting towards their face, their hair, the way they smell, wondering what they’ll wear, and what they’ll say the next time...
Writer's block.
I want to use this blog as much as I can, but most of the time my thoughts are everywhere. I can’t gather my thoughts enough to write a simple paragraph. Type, type, type type, backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace.
And I’ll keep you a daydream away, Just watch from a safe place, So I never have to lose.
1 tag
Here’s to nights I care To the night you...
1 tag
1 in 10.
I am a really simplistic person. I love simplicity, and for every single action I take there’s always an obvious reason for it. Some people in this world could probably read me inside out. The problem is, I don’t let people in easily. If you knew what was going on in my life, it would be incredibly easy to read me. But that’s the thing, I don’t let people in.
Out of 10 people, I’d let all of...
1 tag
Today I’m done with you. Everybody. Yesterday I was done too. But today I’m more done then yesterday, maybe more done tomorrow. But everyday is a yesterday. Every yesterday is a tomorrow, and I don’t care what day it is, because today I’m done.
1 tag
You make me feel so...
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But in a good way.
September 2011
10 posts
jackyyu:
I don’t want to live my life with no friends. But my mom doesn’t realize how little friends I have. I will not lose my last few friends. I will risk my future for them, even if it means I do not become successful. My mom will never understand me, how I truly feel. Who I truly am.
So relevant, it’s scary.
1 tag
mellokitty:
And I’ll say, “hey” You’ll say,...
1 tag
Cause if one day you wake up and you find that...
1 tag
My friends,
They’re simply amazing. The fact that they went through so much trouble to make sure that I was happy today just blows my mind. I don’t know what to say, because I don’t think words can really describe how sdjbgsdhrbasdh they are. And honestly, I couldn’t ask for better people to be around.